You killed my guitar

Giggling for dresses, murmer for wallet,
Mr. X attiring me to monks and prophets,
eyes staring, stamping me genius
and, playing my guitar...
Oh, you said "it is so heinous"

GO, get away,
why don't you leave me alone?
Over your screams,
Over your handshakes...
I am happy staying cold and stone..
Just leave me alone

I smiled for you, Played my guitar,
those chords of mine,sang out my heart
Yeah, those favourite chords of mine,
sang out my heart.


Dreams are of... no worth to you,
Lemme stay cold..Leave me in blue


Your spooky gossips scare me now
would never explain you,
Why, What and How..

no books, no hats,
no dragging in your zone
Go get away,
why don't you leave me alone

छोड़ दो मुझे, कभी तो सांस लेने दो

शाम है ढल गयी, चुपचाप सोने दो,
घुट रहा हूँ मैं, कुछ शब्द कहने को,
छोड़ दो मुझे, कभी तो सांस लेने दो....

चप्पे चप्पे पर तुम्हारी जाल लिपटी है,
आसमा से ज़मीन तक, हर सोच चिपटी है
कोनों में , दीवारों में बस झाक लेने दो,
छोड़ दो मुझे, कभी तो सांस लेने दो...

शाम है ढल गयी, चुपचाप सोने दो,
सूख गयीं आँखे, कभी तनहा रोने को,
घुट रहा हूँ मैं,
अब सांस लेने को,
छोड़ दो मुझे, कभी तो सांस लेने दो
छोड़ दो मुझे, कभी तो सांस लेने दो

My moon my love

Those sleepless nights ,
I spent behind the door,
was misunderstood,neglected
but, the feelings were pure,
I wont love you my life ,
yeah will not hate you any more.....
It haunts me how ,
I made you to scare,
to toch you in dreams,
even never I did dare...
now I feel as I am a pissed off monster,
a shameless devil,
a dirty lobster.
hey, I will be the child heart
possesive as before..
I wont love you but,
will not hate you any more

मैं और मेरा ये मन

लड़खराते डगमगाते लम्हा लम्हा फिसल फिसल,
अरमान मेरे, बुलबुले हैं
मनाता रहा मैं ना तू निकल
खुली पगली नयनों में गिले सपने रह गये,
ख्वाबों कि स्याहियों में, पगले बदल बह गयें।

दिल को क्या मनाऊ,पगला मुझसे ही नाराज़ है,
चोट खाके भी नासमझ को प्यार की तलाश है,
चाँद के पीछे उड़ता ,दौड़ता ये थक गया,
धीमी धीमी आंच में धीमा सा ये सुलग गया।

मनाता रहूँ रात भर, दिल बहल तो जाता है,
तेरी याद जैसे आई, फिर से फिसल जाता है;
मैं ना रोकूँ पगले तुझको, अब रुला के भाग जा,
एक बार रो चूका तू, मैं ना अब रुला सकूँगा॥

पगले मन ,लुक्का छिपी खेलते है फ़लक फ़लक,
मनाता रहूँ तुझको मैं, मुझे तू शाम तक॥
फलक फलक शाम तक,
निष्पलक शाम तक..

philosophy..ha ha ha

Wallowed in darker moods,
despised men and all the women.
disgusted,sometime I fraternized,
to get me fallacious proven.

Now,I fear to plumb my words,
I shiver to fathom religions,
they laugh at it calling philosophy,
I fear to knock their doors.

I smoked ."no smoking"

When the nights got stormy,
dictionary over my table wobbled,
I peeped through it ,
for appropriate words..
alas ,have not got them yet.

I stumbled over text and pages,
pondered of joy and rages,
the fags and smoke are left,
my thirst is yet to quench..

और मैं अकेला घूमता रहा..

सिगरेट के छल्लों से जलने की ख्वाइश,

ख्वाबो के शीशे का बेदर्द चनकना,

काले छल्लों की निष्प्राण दुनिया है मेरी,

बेतुके शब्द बुदबुदाता हूँ दिनभर ।

धक्के लगा कर गिरा दो मुझे,

बेइज्जत खुले आम कर रुझा लो मुझे,

पिछली महफ़िल मैं कीडा बना था,

इसबार कुचल के रुला दो मुझे।

पन्ने पलटता हूँ, फिर बेचैन होकर,

बिस्तर से दरवाजा, दरवाज़े से बिस्तर,

गीली स्याही सताती है मुझको,

कभी आइना हँसता है दिनभर...

उजली दीवारें ,काला सा चक्का,

रेशम के कपडे, गुलाबी सी दुनिया;

जलाकर फिर से बुझाता रहूंगा,

तुम्हारी बस्ती मे, मेरी दोस्ती है;

हंसी अपनी उड़वाने जाता रहूंगा,

सिगरेट मेरी जलती है जबतक,

ख्वाओं को तब तक जलाता रहूंगा..

शहर में गले मिल मिलकर ,
मेरी आदत बिगड़ गयी है,
गली में भौकता कुत्ता भी अब,
मुझे सगा सा लगता है॥

दरबाजो पर दस्तक देता हूँ उनके,
अंदर फिर कब्रिस्तान दिखता है,
मैं गलियों में बस खोजता हूँ कोना,

जन्हा कुछ ख़ुशी बिकता है..

आग में जलता चमकता इक चांद ठण्डा हो गया,
महफिलों में सजते- सजाते गन्दा अचानक हो गया।

कीचड़ में कमल पर चमकने को बेताब था,
कमल ना खिलने के भय से;
चुपचाप से वो सो गया।

विचारों की कच्ची सड़क पर,
पूल बनाने वाले बहुत हैं,
आधे रस्ते दौड़ कर ही अक्सर,
साँसे उनकी फूल जाती है।

नदियां पहाडो पर बहुत ही शोर करती है,
नीचे आते आते वो जज्बा सूख जाता है॥

सुबह को ताकना सूरज, अच्छी नींद दे भी दे,
तुमने पर कडी धूप का सोचा था;
अच्छी नींद ही प्यारी इतनी लगती है,
तो चौराहे के कुत्तों के संग सोया करो..

Feel good

Although,the word "miracle" have different meanings in different texts and different contexts, but de facto it is anything that brings out changes in your life ,your thoughts and probably delights you for a long time.

One of my friend told me sometime back.."There may be single reason to make you feel bad,but definitely there are thousands of them to make you FEEL GOOD.I didn't appreciate this at that very moment,but lately I am surely enjoying the realisation.

Today,I was there at limdi corner with pratush tiwari,who shared few of his mountain trekking experience.Well,along with those memorable walks, he walked few more steps in the journey called life.. understanding people..Not the aam admis,but the crazy ones who never compromised on their passion.Lead their passion( trekking here) managing scraps and pieces.

Depression,frustration and sadness have always made impact on each one of us.Few of us are audacious enough to come out of it,few of us smart enough never to accept it..but many of us not brave enough to kick it out of routine life.We always have lots and lots of complain from our system,our country,our beloved ones,our friends and the vicious trap never ends.

Nature is the mother of all philosophies,all thought processes and all innovations.but,strangely we never understand the beauty of its simplicity and calmness.A rose flower never complaints if someone stares it, praises it beauty.A flowing river never ask back any glass of water and a flying bird never is jealous of others flight.

Life is beautiful and simple.A smile at some one's face may be price less.We may have cameras and recorder to freeze the moment,arrest the memories,but the sense of enjoying them are ineffable.

We are here to live our life happily,not to wear others spectacles,others life style.

I know that a smile can bring light into our life,a song can generate enthusiasm in our blood.A jhappi of MUNNA BHAI can make us FEEL GOOD.and probably thats the most important thing in our life

I dont over react always.....

Well I always do believe...to justify your self is cowardice and people justify themselves, because they fear of their identity ...

Unfortunately I am also a human (probably with webs of sentiments and emotions woven throughout the mind and heart).So ,shamelessly have tried to defend myself of being sentimentally over-reactive in this blog.

Its not too long back.We had mishra family living in our neighbour.I was just 12 year old ,when heard of jubilation in their home.Mrs mishra got blessed with a son.Being a kid I always enjoyed being there at their home and play with their son.Mrs mishra also enjoyed her son being loved by all of us.The kid was smart , learnt faster and used to recognise every one in the neighbour hood soon.Although,Mrs mishra boasted this fact but strangely I saw her getting stirred,when the kid preferred other's lap over her lap.She was one of the most gracious lady I had ever seen,but I never understood the sentimental enigma.Rather my friends told me that I am immature to understand this.

I don't know whether I matured or not,But sadly I get disturbed similar for reasons many a times.To expect back for what you have done or what you feel about someone is not over reaction

Well ....you never would like your most beloved gifts to be touch by others,and even if you feel your hand might make it dirty,you would avoid touching it.Few relations are probably like those gifts only.To expect your gifts to reciprocate your feelings is kiddish..but sadly I am yet a kid...
Being convicted of vomiting my sentiments many times and that too with dramatic effect.It appalls me often.You ask people to be genuine ,natural and honest.But still are displeased to see the truth in him.Probably its the unreal flashy aspects which allures us more....

Probably I am very confused,possessive,emotional expect more bla bla bla...but this is what I am..yet fighting my self for someone..these abrupt ooze of feelings are just dirtiest part of my life..I have always tried to be honest at my relation and pursued what ever have liked anytime...but the immature and emotional ME have once again forced me to pen down these craps :( ...

The lost culture

Everyone says.."You all are winning horses"..Horses have aversion to water so do we..

Surely,I don't suffer from hydrophobia..But the adage "boys in IIT's avoids taking bath" really inspired me as a driving factor to give JEE.

As much as I can remember..I avoided taking bath even when my mother used to scare me for taking bath.Soap solution in eye was my all time favourite excuse and I used to boast upon my smartness as a kid..I was quite emotional when I left home..but got more emotional to see my regular bathroom visitor batch mates (may be for different reasons)..

Golden days were soon over.Boys in so called "metallurgy mecca" have to be disciplines, neat, clean bla..bla..bla..I always waited for the winters to see at least few boys who still believed in philanthropy and saving water.luckily few of the seniors (akshay specially) still existed as the role models of "anti bath committee " team. Obviously like harry potter,I wont take the name of south indian voldemorts who excelled in not taking bath,but surely they gave me relief ...cultures do exist.

Fourth year arrived so soon..I couldn't have ever thought.But to my utter surprise the murmurs of not taking bath..keeping dirty rooms are really on peak.The oil combed sidha sadha bacchas are taking pride in calling them bad boys...I wont credit shahrukh and chak de (where showers of bad girls dialouge were there)..In the corridor of meta boys could be seen enjoying drizzles with chai and pakodas in their hand and happy to escape bathroom for one more day.

Probably boys have understood the mantra of life.."jab hum mitti ke hi bane hain toh nahane se bachna chahiye...warna ghul jayenge"

comments...

ashim dutta..tum log waise kitne din me nahate ho avg??

me: 2

ashim dutta: bas??

thats a shame

yahaan to atleast 5 ka avg hoga

उलझे शब्द

Obscure trilogy....A wonderful game ending up in a brilliant poetic literature.me ,sachan AND MRIDUL tried to fire few spont words and had this poem....

kajal ki aankhe....
dhuen ki lalten...
bekar hanfta dil...
bezar khansta dil...
aankhein jhilmil,
sochein katil
chota sa pocket
lamba sa bil
kiska boodha chulha
bina mans ke kulha
dhanche bhar ki mitti
li sanso ne chutti....
bejan si ye mitti,
chahti hai chutti
reh jaati hai jhole me
rakh jaisi smriti
chabootre ka udhda gobar
haddi se jhadti si khal
ghoonghat se kuch laal laal pighalna
kuch safed sa najar aaya ??
safedi aatma ki ya sharir ki thi,
maine socha na saans bhi na li
jab peeche moodkar dekha
kuch ulajhti saans bas thi
sans ki lat....
seene par chipki si....
bebaat ki chat..
dewaar se chipti si
mombatti ujala deti thi...
mai jalta raha
sab chup chap they..
kisi ne na mujhse kuch kaha

Well ! Placed....

Shahrukh khan in one of the best ever hindi movies ever quotes - "बडे बडे शहरों में छोटी छोटी बातें होती रहती है"...
But, the placements sequence over the last few days were not mere simple incidences or choti choti battein as we have been hearing for last three years, rather were life time moments for many of us.

It happened luckily/unluckily that I had to go through C programming books,but I found the analogies between C keywords and us to be obvious while going through them. Boys after applying the (while = = unemployed) were looping with infinite tensions for the malloc() function to allocate spaces in companies. soon, avoiding the complications of nested loops,we had exit() function that made us to safely come out of loops and execute us..

What made me the proud was the Robust friendship bond,that metallurgy boys displayed during those phases.The buzz word "STRING THEORY" was as much true for us as much is for the nuclear and atomic scientists.Every particle ,every relation and every moment of joy are really strings,joined together...

Those fascinating interview sequence with model throwing lights on jain dharm, raghav interviewing the interviewer..Shakti speaking his love stories ,and TPR's running all around were ecstatically over soon with odds and even woven in them.

I couldn't have ever imagined people greedy for getting bumps and kicks,but every one avidly anticipated to be rolled like football and were treated as per their wish.I any how managed to see my stamped back and got delighted/enlightened to see those blood strained finger marks...Thanks boys..even Varanasi police couldn't have treated me like that :) .

If the smoke made large railway engines run,we were the elite enough to adopt this brilliant philosophy.Every job was celebrated in the smoky ambiance of limitless suttas.. great metallurgists, finally we understood the efficient furnaces.

Manish with his fabulous fatte on Chai. Luxme kant with Infinite hole baniyan.. jackson with sticks thicker and healthier than him in his hands,makku with some pathetic excuses for avoiding kicks,Jigyashu still in frustrations,Khokha looking for some wafers..abuses all around..and obviously "the shrewed me" with deadly pranks.....

God....really "Those were the best days of my life"

बरगद और तुलसी..

तुलसी का नावोदीत डाल था,
बरगद बगल में विशाल था।

बरगद अनंत से खड़ा था,
देवत्व में पलकर बढ़ा था;
सिन्दूरी रंग और धागों में लीपटा,
ब्रम्ह रूप में पड़ा था॥

कई असह्य मौसम झेलकर,
निर्दयी विनाशको संग खेलकर,
तुलसी ने मुश्किल से अपना अस्तित्त्व बनाया था,
छोटे भूमि के टुकड़े पर,
बस पांव टिकाया था ॥

झुंड पूजती जो बरगद को,
उसमे कुछ तुलसी भी पूजते ,
असंख्य दीये बरगद पर चढ़ते ,
नए कुछ दीये तुलसी पर बुझते॥

अकस्मात् बरगद का तना एक,
तुलसी पर है आ गिरता,
असह्य बोझ के झटके से,
तुलसी खो देता है स्थिरता॥

गर्जन करता बरगद,
तुलसी को समझाता है,

सागर निगले नदी धारा को,
शेर, हिरण को खाता है;
बड़ी मछ्ली छोटी को खाती,
आंधी में बुझ जाती बाती,
मेरे इस अखंड रूप के सामने,
खड़ा कैसे था तू साथी?

अन्तिम सांस और तृप्त प्यास में,
तुलसी मन्द सा हँसता है,
बरगद के अस्तित्त्व के भय को,
चिर अनन्त से समझता है॥

अस्तित्त्व कि चाहत सर्प को,
डसने को मजबूर करती है,
छत्ते में बैठी रानी मधु मक्खी को,
सबसे दूर करती है॥

तुलसी बरगद को अन्तिम शब्दों में,
ग्यान नही समझाता है,
ना ही बरगद के महानता के,
गीत कोई गाता है॥

" मेरे जैसे अनेक शाखाओं को,
तुमने राख बनाया है,
झूटी शान के परचम गाड़े;
गीत स्वयम का गाया है॥

परंतु डर तुम्हे हर बार,
खोखला कर जाती है,
बंधनो में जकड़कर शायद,
मिलती तुम्हे हर ख्याति है॥

मैं तो हूँ बस निमित मात्र,
छोटे प्यास का छोटा पात्र

प्यास तुम्हारी बढती रहती,
तड़प तड़प तुम जीते हो,
अनंत रूप कर के धारण,
रक्त अपना ही पीते हो............

अधूरा तेरे गलियों से ..

बड़ी फुर्सत से जीता था,
तेरी गलियों जब गुजरा..
मेरा दिल तेरे पनघट पर
खड़ा बन कांच का टुकडा..

मोहब्बत हुई मुझे जब से ,
ना जी पाते, ना मर सकते॥
तेरी खुशबू कि चाहत मे

मेरी साँसे...
भटकतें है नही थकतें ..

सज़ा कैसी मोहब्बत में,

मैं भंवरा तेरे आंगन का,बेचैन तेरी kashish में

तू सुनकर झूमती पर ,

आवारे कोयलों की धुन..

मैं डूबा चांद की चाहत में,
वो छिपती बादलों मे है,
कभी आँचल में चांदनी ले कर ,
मुझे पागल बना देना ....

बड़ी फुर्सत से जीता था ..तेरी गलियों से जब गुजरा..

Under standing physics

Physics claims matter exist in wave form ,although I read it much earlier but lately realized while traveling in mumbai local trains.I was loaded by the crowd as everyone over there are done and shoved at periodic time interval at every local stations.That was when first time I found large chunks of human mass existing as standing waves.

I was also taught that,maximum packing efficiency of a solid can be 74% in cubic closed packing which I never believed and my this belief was also glorified in mumbai local trains.I couldn't differentiate between mine and others body parts although was happy that we can surely exceed the packing fraction more than 74%.

Beaches at Mumbai proves any two opposite charge (male and females) are equiprobable to interact and come closer.The common bond of love have electrons of vendors moving all around.

and Offices here are good example of quantum tunneling,where some time at Sundays boyz can tunnel out through their work.

*I have intensionally not quoted all my physics research papers and am waiting for users to pile up their views

ITS ALL LOVE

मुट्ठी भर जिंदगी जो बची तेरे नाम कर दी,
मानू मैं इसे प्यार पर, कहे ज़माना खुद्खुशी..
होश खोया तुझे खोजने को,
क्या मेरी मोहब्बत थी बेबसी॥

छोटे सपने ,लंबी रातें
थिरकती खट्टी मीठी बातें,
अस्तित्व का चुपके से खोना ,
ठण्डी आंसू में हंसके रोना॥

प्यार दस्तक हमेशा जादूई होता है,
फिर भी साला आदमी ,प्यार करके रोता है ..

ये है मुम्बई मेरी jaaaaaaaaaaan.

चूल्हे पर सपना यंहा धुंए बिना जलता है,
बासी रोटी आधे सिगरेट से पेट यंहा पलता है।
नींद महंगी बिकती है ,तस्वीर धूल से हैं ढके,
मकरी के जाल मे संवेदना भी कब के थके ,

चुल्लू भर मैला पानी, खींचना गले तक,
आंसू भी असमंजस में हैं ,उष्मा उसके अब निरर्थक
परछाईं को कुचलती भीड़ भग दर में फँसी
नंगापन खूद का छिपाने भीख ली नकली हँसी

आकाश को चूमने, शमशान से सुबह निकलना ,
क्या चीज है तू जिंदगी,
कुछ रौशनी बस चूमने,
पल पल ये जलना ,बेबस पिघलना ।

मेरे बचे शब्दों के कूछ अंश

अकेले आईने में अपनी सूरत को चिधाना,
बैठे बंद कमरे में कभी कुछ बुदबुदाना,
कभी आकाश को सोच मुट्ठी में,
ख़ुशी से झूमना बन पागल;
बेचैन होकर छट पटना बिस्त्रो में कभी,
और कभी मचलना ,बन प्यार का बादल।

हज़ारों स्वप्न पन्नों में सजाकर,
अक्सर संवेदन हीन फाड़ देते हैं,
अपनी कल्पना के शहर को,
चुपके से ,अपनी ही बेबसी में मार देते हैं॥

daldal ka swad

giddh(vulture)--institutionalized

murda, haddi, laash par;
tham chuke swash par,
gidhho ka sehar basta tha..
mrityu par nirlajj hanste they.

pagli maut nachti,shringar kar jis shamsan me,
giddho ki jindagi,jhumti us registaan me.

haddiyon ki dher par,giddh ek bada hua,
jhapat ke nochne, maans ko khada hua.

par,
jhapat kapat,chikh se,
thi bhukh mit ti bhikh se.
giddh shayad thak chuka tha,
andhi nangi sikh se.

bhuki, sukhi giddh ankho me,
sahar hi basa tha,
sochta tha wah vivas,
daldal me kyun phansa tha..

botiyo ki khoj me,
jab umra biti soch ke...
giddh bhaga sehar ko ,
dur bahshiyo ke fauz se..

khopadi ki jhopadi,
chor ab sehar chala
chune un swapn ko..
saalo se tha jo pala..

naya jal- swadhin,shabd naye - arthhin,
chakta khaara jal naya,
chatpatata ban ke min.


swachandta ab ghutan thi,aur shalinta chubhan,
sabhyata me har ghari,karahta giddh man.

bechain baukhlaye giddh ne,
har chuke jiddh ne..
nirbal sehari par prahar kiya..
shamsan me lautne ko.
jindagi balidan diya

prem...pida ya pyas

Prem pida me vyakul pratipal,
karah raha tha hridaya jab nischal,
bhuvan ke har jivit se poocha,
usne apni pida ka hal.

sarvagyani mayamayi manav,
shayad prit samajh naa paya
maya kahkar , prem ko usne
samvedna ka uljha jaal bataya

kashi kehta bhakti hai jeevan,
samaj samridhi ko kahta hai phan,
anubhav kehta samaj tum dekho,
yovan kehta itihas tum likho.

madhusala me sukhe pyale ko,
may ke liye rote dekha jab,
swas ko vyakul pathaar shila ko,
chir anant tak sote dekha jab..

murchit hridaya ...
prem paribhasa sun baanwaro sa hansta
ekant me kar maun ko dharan
prem raas me hai sajta