Thursday, February 28, 2008

Its yet to be understood

"Who is your Ideal ...Hello Mr. day dreamer..Or you are yet to decide your path ?", asked the professor." I am not very sure of it Sir !" ,Raj replied casually, pretending to be innocent.Probably he never wanted to answer his teacher,not even his colleagues or even himself.Last time when out of his excitement he quoted the lines of a famous book, it only served the purpose of making his peers laugh and advertise their own knowledge by quoting other known writers.

Last year after having a few glasses of beer in a party, he proudly enjoyed the oration of his feelings.His narrations took a dramatic turn, when the discussions were flooded with feelings of other species present in the party.It was tough for him to understand why the alcohol drop was needed to pull words out of them...Rating each other, proving themselves as a messiah,long conversations on the cell phone to impress girl friends , sharing the truth and tears all around. "Ahh why am I diluted? why is no one listening to me?" It surprised, depressed and infuriated him.To grab their attention he even tried to break his glass but unfortunately some other friend of him did it before him.

Some other day, while going to his lecture theatre on a rickshaw he heard the rickshaw wala saying-"you cannot avert your natural instincts for a long time ". It was again a trivial nonsense talk for him, either because it was told by a rickshaw wala or it was told when he was not in a mood to react to anything.Although those lines helped him figure out his instincts. After lot of contemplations, discussions and suggestions it became evident to him that, he can discover himself only through experience.

He spent months reading biographies ,watching movies and experimenting with relations. Slogans like "I am what I am", "I live my life", blah blah blah...made him feel self satisfied.

Raj ranked 1st in his first year of graduation and therefore his complacent father gifted him a camera on his 20th birthday.The shades of nature always allured him.With his camera, he captured as much it permitted him to and a few days later in a photography exhibition he won lots of prizes. His friends complemented him. It was speculated that he is going to be next public figure.Those gossips,those murmurs those discussions delighted him to such an extent that he wanted to blow his lungs out laughing for hours.Unfortunately the social constraints and the desire to live more fringed his lips just to a celebrity's smile.

Surely,months and months of reading books never made photography a secondary priority to him but added a sense of reasoning to his works.He spent hours in guessing why,when and what to capture in the camera.His second year grades got screwed up.He was the center of discussion for most of the topic among his mates.The cupidity and avarice of being center of discussion that he suffered or to say enjoyed in his first year was probably heard by god.And God replied to his hunger in His own style.Life turned out to be more mysterious than he expected.The downward sloping graph of his grades showered more atrocity to his life.Expectations of the parents, comparisons with other social entities and the hidden desire to prove the world added fuel to the fire.

The desire to disappear in woods got more intense.He confined him to his room and the nature . The suffering and pains, hours and hours of deciphering texts ,religious books and his photographs used to give him eternal pleasures.It made him feel heroic and strong to be tied in such complexities and solve the riddle called "Life". It was as if he was about to reach the top most of barrier of decoding and unfolding questions of life.Some times,in when stirred up he used to capture more from his camera,when lonely he used to hate those pictures.The debates and altercations were not finding any answers.Smokes and alcohols made him immune temporarily.

Last night,going to a restaurant on the same rickshaw with his friend,he asked him- Education spoiled us..or we are spoiling the education.The friend casually replied back Why do you need situations or create situations to convey your thoughts.Your pursuit will not finish until you desire it to be finished.The rickshaw wala turned back and smiled "babu ji happiness is there in sharing it"..this time he wanted to hear it from the man and he heard it.

What do you want to do ...Hello Mr. day dreamer..Or you are yet to decide ?", asked the professor." Sir I just want to live happily..raj smiled and replied


लोहा, लक्कड़, ताला, चक्कर घिच-पिच कर के बैठा है बाहर से चमचम करता है दिल अंदर से ugly है मौसम, पानी, सात समंदर गलियों गलियों घूमा है...