Saturday, May 10, 2008

How do you feel...Sir?

It was 9th of may 2008. I was expecting the clouds to rain heavily and the winds to shove me hard. My anticipations and desires to look other of my batch mates at the same emotional level, where I was standing had no logical explanations. Such absurd dreams neither had any logic nor any dark philosophy embedded or wrapped within it. But honestly since past 10 years, I was waiting for the day to end up with such kind of dramatic setup. I woke up that morning expecting to notice some phenomenal change in my ambiance.Loitering in my hostel lobby,I interviewed people and expected them to burst out in emotion.I expected the four year long movie to flash on my cerebral projector and drench my face in tears.

Probably, the fear of shift in my co-ordinates was bothering me more than emotional or sentimental detachments. A wild and absurd known fear was scaring me.I could have easily figured out vibrational causes that made me feel uncomfortable, but I wasn't in the mood to do that. I wanted to sit alone keeping mum, with my mental fluctuations touching the X axis.I kept my cell phone on silent mode.I had no idea about what,when and why to speak.My life, which have hitherto witnessed a lot many departures was witnessing the greatest ever shift till date.

The law of inertia which holds true for Newtonian body seemed to agree and satisfy my mental state too.I would have always hated to call my self a satisfied ,complacent and stoic kid but at 9th of may I was helpless,speechless,tasteless .....

My search of the "never-land" diluted while the graduation . My quixotic and utopian dreams were drying at that very moment, and I was helpless.I was debating against myself for smoking,drinking,professionalism,responsibilities,love,money,fame and hell lot of affairs,which never knocked my priorities before that day.The waves of fear and hesitation subdued my emotional and sentimental breeze. I was not accepting this fact and never wanted to accept it.This made me feel jittery,I was experiencing the unrest.

Some of my juniors visited my lobby and asked " how are you feeling ?"...If I should utter and accept the truth...I felt like an orphan at that very moment.....

तुम्हारे दीदार से मुक़म्मल होती थी वो कवितायेँ  जो आज कल अधूरी-अधूरी ही ख़त्म हो जाती हैं.